How To Handle Power Struggles With Your Teen?

Is your teen constantly talking back to you?

Are they suddenly giving you punishments by giving you silent treatment, slamming doors, and yelling?

Do they demand stuff from you instead of asking?

The power struggle is real.

As Teens grow they want more power

Your teenager is likely now doing many tasks on their own and has started to get a sense of independence.

As they grow older they may begin to pull away from adults and smaller children in the family, pulling closer to teens their age with similar interests. This is a natural behavior for teens.

The struggle comes when the teen is asking for family rules to be bent because certain friends don’t have that rule in place or they want to do a certain task because they aren’t a baby anymore.

During this stage, they may begin to test you to see what certain things they can get away with and how much control they can gain of their own life.

This could easily become a dangerous road if not taken seriously and dealt with in an appropriate manner.

So how do I deal with it?

Yelling at your teen will only cause an argument and more resentment toward each other. Which can quickly lead things to escalate and cause a bigger power struggle in the relationship.

Below are some tips to help you with your teen’s power struggle:

Listen to your teen: Many times teens act out or yell because they feel that they are not being heard or taken seriously. Allowing your teen to express their concerns, interest or desires allows your teen the opportunity to voice their desires in a healthy way.

Take control of your own emotions: When you are engaging with your teen remember to model the tone and communication style you want present in the room. It is easy to get frustrated and yell when your teen is not understanding and continues to disagree with your statement. Yelling at this point will only show your child that yelling is “ the proper way to communicate”.

Establish Boundaries and ground rules: Create or reinforce boundaries and rules to the type of behavior, activities, communication, and task that your child is expected to follow. Keep in mind that they may not all be followed, but it creates a framework for how your child is expected to behave.

Negotiate: In some situations, it may be helpful to negotiate and compromise with your teen.

Example: If your teen wants to go over to a friend’s house during a school day, you can negotiate that they aren’t allowed to go today but you will allow them to go on the weekend, etc.

Work on your relationship: Having quality time with your teen can help create a positive relationship with your child that creates respect, honesty, and safety. Going out for dinner, watching a movie uninterrupted, and participating in an activity of your teen’s choice are great ways to build connections with them.

Power struggles with your teens can be extremely frustrating and can cause you to lose hope and may make you want to give in for the sake of the argument. Do not give up on your teen and your rules as this can lead to a dangerous road ahead.

Parenting requires a relationship with your teen. This requires work and commitment. Find ways to effectively talk to your teen without it always turning into an argument. Sometimes the help of a therapist is needed. With their help, it is easier to neutralize the room and eliminate the power struggle.